Hello, Welcome to CRY FEST 2010. It can also be referred to as 4 days left and the last day of my period. Needless to say my emotions are a little bit hard to pin down because at any moment I could begin crying. Crying because I saw a person or remembered something, or heard something, or even am simply writing my blog. Crying is something that happens, like how shit happens, but just like when I take a number two, I’m just not a fan of crying in public. I would rather cry in private and wallow, and allow myself all the time I need to get it out of my system. It’s as though it were a sickness if I don’t give myself time to recover it will just stay in me forever.
I find that when free falling into crunch time, I begin be very melodramatic in my head. I say very silly exaggerated ultimatums without thinking about it like,”The last sleepover at my best friend’s house”, “the last bonfire marshmallow roast”, or “the last barbecue” as though I’m about to die or something. And I can already hear my family rolling their eyes when “the last supper” is upon us before my departure. But then again, I suppose that maybe they do feel just as dramatic. Or maybe it’s just me and I’m just channeling super-drama-queen-teenager right now.
With the stress of four days left much petty arguing can happen though. I understand why, but I know that it is just no good to argue. I had a good discussion with my brother-in-law and I’ve come to realize that pride means nothing if you have no humility. I have pride for my beautiful family but if I never surrender my self pride I would have no family at all. I have pledged to myself to have more humility, to listen more, to love more, and to have enough courage to know and understand that though I will love and miss all my friends and family it is me I must concentrate on for a while. To have the courage to be changed, to see with open eyes and heart and answer a question I have held for a long time: What do I want to do, where do I want to go?
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