The redhead is leaving tomorrow at 8pm for Deutschland.

For the record, blogging while you cry is very hard. The screen gets blurry whenever a new tear overwhelms the capacity of your eyes.

Today, after seeing my last friends and family before my departure, I repacked my suitcase encompassing all the things I forgot about the first time. Just when I wish time would be more sluggish, it tends to drop like a brick on my foot.

You remember those movies where someone packing up their belongings to leave would sit on the suitcase to force everything to fit or force it in some other overly exaggerated way? They don’t exaggerate. Clothes seem very small in one-piece units, but like when people get together, when clothing get to together there is a lot of volume than you had originally thought there would be. And I suppose if we’re making equivocations, ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I have a lot of vocal volume which means according to my ratio that I have a LOT of clothing. More than I thought I did. Because suddenly, 50 pounds seems very limiting, as do the walls of the suitcase.

Tonight before my mother went to bed, she read me my favorite book when I was little. I don’t know if you know it, it is called “Guess How Much I Love You?”. It is about a momma rabbit and a baby rabbit and the baby rabbit is trying to tell the momma rabbit how much he loves her. He measures it with things he can see like the length of his wingspan, the height of his hopping, but momma rabbit is so much bigger than him that she always wins the measurement of love until baby rabbit tells her how he loves her all the way up to the moon, and once baby is asleep, momma whispers that she loves him to the moon and back. Well needless to say the bedtime story ended in tears and snuggles. No matter how much I tried not to cry, I ended up crying so much my breath was jumping out of me in wild gasps. I eventually calmed down after much rocking. I tucked my mommy into bed and kissed her goodnight. I hugged my daddy, and kissed him.

It’s amazing how much I’ve cried in the past few days, it seems more than I have ever before. And though salt water could pour for a long time,  I know that I must not spend this great opportunity wishing I were in a place I am not. I love Pennsylvania, but a year will come and go like a kiss on the cheek. It can be sad, sweet, or happy but regardless it is there then not there. So it is best to appreciate it while it is.